i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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