in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
