does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
