So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
