Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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