4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
