My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
