She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
