I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
