Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
