he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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