There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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