I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Rumble strips road head = magical
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
