Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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