But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
