this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
