Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
