You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
