my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
