I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
