It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
