My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
