he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
