i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
