I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
