I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
