We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
