Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
