Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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