At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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