Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
