I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
