New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
