Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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