her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
