theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
