it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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