how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
