Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
