we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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