Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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