why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The best revenge is premature balding
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
