After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
