I smell stomach acid.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm always down for nudity.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
