Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
