She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
