all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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