I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
