Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
