Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
