she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
