I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
